


christmas memories

by seothighs



Series: christmas memories. [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Car Accidents, Character Death, Christmas memories, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 14:56:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16767379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seothighs/pseuds/seothighs
Summary: christmas is meant for loving those around you, even if they are no longer there.





	christmas memories

The sound of snow crunching beneath people’s feet is something that Johnny Suh is used to hearing around this time of year.

It is also not rare to see twinkling lights adorning the glass windows of stores and boutiques, to see tinsel and cheery wreaths adorned with bright red flowers, glittery signs alerting all of what season it was. A marvelous time of year where people met with their families and celebrated togetherness; a time that Johnny was all too familiar with.

He could recall this season being the one where he had met the love of his life, Kim Jungwoo. A smile curved his lips upwards as he walked through the snow, taking care not to bump into any passerby as he reminisced about the past.\

* * *

“Oh, God, I am so sorry.” Jungwoo gasped, face burning as he could only stare at the guy standing in front of him, his shirt drenched with hot chocolate. He had had no idea how it happened; one moment the cup was in his hand, the next minute, it somehow left his hand and the drink had spilled all over the peach colored sweater the other was wearing, it now being a muddled brownish color instead. “I ruined your sweater, oh my- I’m so sorry.” He stammered, unable to calm down.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright.” A hand reached out and touched his forearm tentatively, and Jungwoo glanced up, breath feeling snatched away as his eyes met the other’s.

Warm brown eyes glittering with concern gazed back into his, and suddenly, Jungwoo wasn’t blushing only from embarrassment.

* * *

A laugh spilled out of Johnny’s mouth before he could catch himself, lips pressing together into a bloodless line as he continued walking, shivering a bit as the wind started to pick up. It was colder than he had anticipated, but that wasn’t going to stop him from this tradition that he had started years ago.

“Ah, Jungwoo… I can’t wait to see you.” Johnny hummed to himself, a warming sensation unfurling within himself at just the mere mention of his lover. By this time, the amount of families and people walking about had thinned out, leaving only a number of cold couples roaming about. The moon shone brightly overhead as Johnny glanced aimlessly at the displays of the stores he passed by, eyes twinkling whenever he looked at something that he knew that Jungwoo would like if he would bring it home.

* * *

“You know, Johnny, I really am sorry about ruining that one sweater when we had met.” Jungwoo wrung his hands nervously as Johnny walked around their apartment, mouth full of stick-on hooks and hands tangled in tinsel.

“What sweater?” He managed to say around the hooks, eyes softening and crinkling when he smiled, remembering which sweater it had been then. Jungwoo then even looked more nervous, which made him furrow his brows. Why was he acting so oddly? Did he ruin another one of his sweaters-

“Here.” And suddenly, a giftbox was thrust into his hands, knocking away the tinsel.

“What’s this?” Johnny spat out the hooks, confused as hell. Christmas was still two weeks away, so why was Jungwoo giving this to him now when he could give it to him then? “Babe, what is this? You know I didn’t want any early Christmas presents..” He murmured, fingers loosely holding onto the box, face still wearing a lost expression.

“Just open the box, Johnny.” Jungwoo practically begged, and Johnny couldn’t stand to watch him do so, so he did. His eyes widened as an exact copy of the infamous peach sweater laid inside of the box, atop a wad of folded tissue paper.

“How the hell… Where did you even find this? I didn’t even know that they were still selling them.” He murmured, awestruck. It was exactly like his old one, only without a large brown stain on the front.

“It was hard, but it was worth it. To make you happy.” Jungwoo smiled, overjoyed that his gift was appreciated. At that, Johnny jerked his head up, tossing the box onto the worn-down couch, making Jungwoo gasp. “What’re you- Johnny! Be more careful, dammit, it took me-” He fell silent once he felt Johnny wrap his arms around him and yank him close, cheeks burning.

“You,” Johnny breathed out, gazing deeply into Jungwoo’s eyes, “are the only thing that makes me truly happy.”

He pressed a gentle kiss to Jungwoo’s mouth, pulling away only when he felt something wetting his cheeks, exclaiming softly as he held the other close, wiping his tears away as he did so.

* * *

“Hello, love.” Johnny kissed his lover’s cheek, taking his hand gently. It was cold, but he didn’t mind- there was nothing wrong with using his warmth to help out his lover out. “It’s cold, isn’t it?” He murmured, glancing at him with slight worry in his eyes.

“I guess it is,” the other said, grimacing slightly before sobering up. “We have to go visit him, though, okay? I don’t care if the snow or wind gets worse; we absolutely have to.”

“I know.” Johnny said simply, his grip becoming tighter as they walked hand-in-hand.  


* * *

“Johnny, this is Jaehyun.” Jungwoo smiled brightly, and Johnny could only nod, unsure of what exactly to say.

“This is weird to me too. I thought when Jungwoo told me he had a boyfriend, he was lying or being catfished.” Jaehyun suddenly said, making Jungwoo gasp in a scandalized tone and Johnny snort loudly, all three of them eventually ending up laughing so hard they cried.

“You didn’t tell me your friend was funny, Jungwoo.” Johnny teased, dodging a slap to the chest.

“He is not! He’s just as mean as you!” He pouted, sulking, and Jaehyun could only laugh alongside Johnny, petting the annoyed male’s head.

“C’mon, Woo, you know I love you. I just have to prove myself worthy to your man.” Jaehyun winked, and all three of them laughed again, effectively earning them dirty looks from the cafe patrons sitting around them.

* * *

The snow finally started to fall, glistening flakes suddenly appearing out of nowhere, dusting the scenery with a thin sheen of opaque white.

Jaehyun’s face was solemn as he pushed open the gate, letting go of Johnny’s hand for a split second so he could go in before quickly interlocking them together again, closing the gate behind him softly.

“Are you okay?” Johnny asked suddenly, turning his head to look at him.

“I’m fine. Just feeling cold.” Jaehyun lied, eyes wet from the chill in the air. Or at least, that’s what he was passing it off as.

“... So am I.” Johnny said softly, gaze dropping to the ground as they continued forward, this time on a stone path worn down smooth from decades of use and weathering.

* * *

The apartment was warm, the tree was lit, and Johnny was more than excited for Jaehyun and Jungwoo to come home from their gift wrapping ‘date’; he’d been told that he wasn’t going to be allowed to drive them to and fro, as they were afraid he was going to somehow peek at the presents, instead choosing to ring Taeil when Jungwoo needed to come home and Jaehyun needed to tag along. Jaehyun was practically a fixture in their apartment by this point, appearing and disappearing whenever he chose, but always welcome.

At times, Johnny wondered if Jaehyun was there for more than simply companionship with the two of them, but he put it out of his mind a long time ago. There was no chance that was it, not when he and Jungwoo were so happy together. He wouldn’t dare try to ruin that- right? Right.

With careful hands, Johnny tenderly opened the box of the very last decoration he had to put up for Christmas- a snow globe that both he and Jungwoo created during their first year anniversary at a Christmas shop. The ornate silver globe had thin curlicues lacing around it, crystals dotting its base, the figurines inside locked in a passionate embrace. It had taken months for the ceramic sculptor to get their silhouettes just right, not to mention the other miniscule details that only an artist knew how to create and perfect.

His phone started to ring, interrupting his Christmas playlist, and he sighed irritably, holding the snow globe tightly with one hand as he walked over to to it.

“Hello?”

* * *

Time came to a standstill as the two lovers stood together, hands gripping each other tightly as they stood in front of the headstone glinting before them, both men crying silently.

_Kim Jungwoo_

_My lover, my sun, my moon_

_Forever remembered, never forgotten._  


* * *

“Johnny, oh God, Johnny-” A voice choked out, and Johnny’s stomach fell.

“Taeil? What? What is it?” Johnny practically slurred out in a panic, guts twisting and turning inside of him. What was going on?

“Johnny, oh God, I-I have no idea how this happened, I’m so sorry, please,” Taeil practically screamed into the phone, and Johnny swallowed hard. “What’s wrong, Taeil? You were supposed to pick them up- is something wrong?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, forgive me, I never meant for this to happen, please, Johnny-” Taeil sobbed, and Johnny couldn’t take it any longer.

“What the _fuck_ happened, Taeil?!” He roared, and the next words sent his emotions into a downwards spiral.

“Jungwoo… We.. got into a wreck. Jaehyun’s hurt but he’ll be fine but Jungwoo, God… H-He didn’t make it.”

And as if he were in water, Johnny felt the heavy snowglobe slip past his fingers, it turning over and over in the air until it finally smashed against the ground, the shards of glass, ceramic and crystal spinning as if they were human, as if they were _alive_.

Jungwoo wasn’t alive.

He was gone.

“Johnny?”  
“Johnny, can you hear me?”  


* * *

“Merry Christmas, Jungwoo.” Jaehyun was the first to get up, running his fingers delicately over the bottom of his grave before pulling away, his breath shaky as he moved backwards, ignoring the wind that stung his tear-ridden cheeks.

Johnny was slow to move, limbs trembling as he kneeled in front of the headstone, running his fingers along the smooth inscriptions of the words he had chosen alongside his lover’s family to have on his grave. “Merry Christmas, Jungwoo, my love.” He whispered, a single tear rolling down his cheek, falling to the ground.

“Jaehyun has been taking care of me- I’m glad that we met through you, babe. Everyday, I think of you when I wake up and I think of you before I go to sleep. You will always be the one I love the most. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas, wherever you are.” He whispered, pressing his stiff fingers to his lips, brushing his fingertips on the spot where he knew his lover lay in eternal rest.

“Happy third anniversary, my beloved Jungwoo.” He uttered before standing, taking Jaehyun’s hand again.

_“May we have many more in the future together."_

**Author's Note:**

> hi there. if you're reading this, i hope you enjoyed my small drabble. it was based off of an au idea i had thought of days ago, so forgive me for hurting you guys. if you liked this, please do let me know on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/seothighs) or on my [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/seothighs). i might write a ficlet continuing on in jaehyun's pov, i might not. it depends on how i'm feeling. again, thank you for reading this.


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